The way you grew up affects who you find attractive, who you choose to date, and the overall quality of your relationships as an adult. The following are problems from the past that may get in the way of finding your soul mate. Don't let your past upbringing take over your future relationships. Instead, face each of these issues head on.

1. Divorced parents. Children of divorce are about twice as likely to have their own relationships end in divorce. These are tough odds. But why is this the case? According to researcher Warren Bowles, people from divorced families have more fear of being hurt or rejected and have less trust toward intimate relationships.

So what should you do if this describes you? Don't despair. Start working on your fear of intimacy. Take the first step by talking with your family, friends, or the person you're dating about trust issues.

2. Unfinished business. Having unfinished business means that you have problems with people in your past that you haven't dealt with. Most people have a lot of unfinished business with their parents. The reason it's dangerous is that you will try to finish it, not with your parents but with the person you're romantically involved with. For example, if your father was overly critical and you never confronted him about it, you're likely to pick a critical guy to date. You'll try to change him, just like you wished you could have changed your father.

How can you prevent unfinished business from intruding on your search for a soul mate? Recognize the business you have from your past and finish it with that person. If you can't or don't want to contact that person, write a letter that you never mail, which will help you get out your feelings.

3. Mixed messages. Sometimes parents can send mixed messages. They may have told you that you were beautiful, but then harped on you about losing weight. They may say they love you, but you may have only felt loved if you lived up to their standards. It's possible that you're still carrying these mixed messages around with you and it's hurting your confidence in dating and relationships.

What can you do about it? Recognize and write down the automatic thoughts that are running though your head, such as "I'm not good enough." Work on your self-esteem by replacing these negative thoughts with positive thoughts, such as "I'm more than good enough!"

4. Conflict. How did your parents handle conflict? Did they fight fair or was there name-calling, screaming, and issues dredged up from the past over and over again? Now think about how you handle conflict in your previous relationships.

5. Abuse. If you've had abusive, distant, or neglectful parents, you're more likely to choose a partner who is abusive, distant, or neglectful. Unfortunately, people often are attracted to what's familiar to them, and if abuse is familiar then that's what becomes attractive. Stop the cycle by realizing what you're doing. Start dating people who treat you well even if you don't have huge chemistry with them. Over time, you'll find that the chemistry will grow with some. Now you've started a new cycle! Also, counseling for abuse and other issues from the past can be extremely helpful.